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 An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, “Got any ID?” The driver says, “‘Bout what?”

 Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, “Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th’ bag?” “Jes’ some chickens.” “If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?” “Shoot, if ya guesses right, I’ll give you both of ‘em!” “OK. Ummmmm...five?

 An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!” “OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?” “Shucks, don’t you fellers still have those big red trucks?”

 Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? Because they heard 17 and under aren’t admitted.

 Kathy Jean passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator. Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive. “ The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?” After a long pause, Bubba said, “How ‘bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

 Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

 What do they call reruns of “Hee Haw” in Mississippi? Documentaries

 Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

 Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

 A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they’re still brother and sister.

 What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? No matter what, somebody’s fixin’ to lose a trailer.

 How do you know when you’re staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say “I’ve got a leak in my sink,” and the person at the front desk says, “Go ahead.”

You Might Be A Redneck IF..............

You Might Be A Redneck If.....

Your wife wears chip clips in her hair.

The best photo of you has a height chart as a backdrop.

You have received a lifetime achievement award from a liquor store.

You've used food stamps on a date.

The local tattoo parlor runs specials on your sister's name.

You wear a baseball cap to bed.

Your daughter's bridal registry is at Ace Hardware.

You hand-painted the white walls on your tires yourself.

The slip cover on your sofa used to be a shower curtain.

You Might NOT be a Redneck if...

You won't eat Spam, even at gunpoint.

Your name is Nigel, Malcolm, or Poindexter.

You believe bug zappers violate animal rights.

You own a bow tie for any reason other than a joke.

You ever ordered a wine cooler at a cockfight.

Your wife weighs the amount recommended for her height.

You live within five miles of someone who uses Grey Poupon.

You have never started a meaningful relationship in a pool hall.

You Might be a "high tech Redneck" if...

If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com".

If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page".

If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop".

If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"

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Copyright © 2002 Kauer's Korner
Last modified:    April 2013