OLE & LENA’S HONEYMOON
Ole and Lena got married. On
their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on
Lena’s knee. Giggling, Lena said, Ole, you can go farther than that if you
vant to.” So Ole drove to Duluth.
When Ole accidentally lost 50
cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He
explained, “I’m not going down dere yust for 50 cents.”
A Norwegian appeared with five
other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the
Norwegian blurted, “Yep, dat’s her!”
A Swedish woman competed with a
French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English
Channel swim competition. The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman
second. The Swede reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with
blankets and coffee, she remarked, “I don’t vant to complain, but I tink
dose other two girls used der arms.”
The Swedes invented the toilet
seat. Twenty years later the Norwegians invented the hole in it.
COULDN’T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota
went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. “The way I figger it,
dat fish cost us $400” said the first Norwegian. “Vell,” said the other
one, “At dat price it’s a good ting ve didn’t catch any more.”
A Swede took a trip to Fargo,
North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to him in a
friendly manner. “Look,” he said, “let’s have a game if you answer it,
I’ll buy YOU a drink, if you can’t, then you buy ME one, Okay?” “Ya, dat
sounds purty good,” said the Swede.
Indian said, “My father and mother had one child. It wasn’t my brother. It
wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”
Swede scratched his head and finally said, “I give up. Who vas it?”
was ME,” chortled the Indian. So the Swede paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Swede
went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, “Sven,” he said, “I got a
game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can’t, YOU have
to buy ME vun. Fair enough?”
enough,” said Sven.
. . . my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn’t my brudder, It vasn’t my
sister, Who vas it?”
me,” said Sven. “I give up. Who vas it?”
“It vas some Indian up in
Fargo, Nort Dakoda.”
One day Lena confided to her
friend Hilda that she had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit
of biting his nails. “Good gracious,” said Hilda, “How did yew ever dew
that?” “It vas really simple,” was Lena’s reply. “I yust hid his false
Ole and Lena were getting on in
years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in
their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. “Lena, vat
ever happened tew our sex relations?” He asked. “Vell, Ole, I yust don’t
know,” replied Lena. “I don’t tink ve even got a card from dem last
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. “Oh,” said Ole, “I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.” “How come?” asked Lars. “Vell,” Ole answered, “because vith a clarinet, she can’t sing.
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