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OLE & LENA’S HONEYMOON

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. Giggling, Lena said, Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to.” So Ole drove to Duluth.

 OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS

When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, “I’m not going down dere yust for 50 cents.”

 THAT’S HER!

A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, “Yep, dat’s her!”

 SWIM COMPETITION

A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman second. The Swede reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, “I don’t vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used der arms.”

 FAMOUS INVENTIONS

The Swedes invented the toilet seat. Twenty years later the Norwegians invented the hole in it.

 VE COULDN’T AFFORD MORE

Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. “The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400” said the first Norwegian. “Vell,” said the other one, “At dat price it’s a good ting ve didn’t catch any more.”

 BAR RIDDLE

A Swede took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to him in a friendly manner. “Look,” he said, “let’s have a game if you answer it, I’ll buy YOU a drink, if you can’t, then you buy ME one, Okay?” “Ya, dat sounds purty good,” said the Swede.

 The Indian said, “My father and mother had one child. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”

 The Swede scratched his head and finally said, “I give up. Who vas it?”

 “It was ME,” chortled the Indian. So the Swede paid for the drinks. 

Back in Sioux Falls the Swede went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, “Sven,” he said, “I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can’t, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?”

 “Fair enough,” said Sven.

 Okay . . . my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn’t my brudder, It vasn’t my sister, Who vas it?”

 “Search me,” said Sven. “I give up. Who vas it?”

 “It vas some Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda.”

 FINGERNAILS

One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails. “Good gracious,” said Hilda, “How did yew ever dew that?” “It vas really simple,” was Lena’s reply. “I yust hid his false teeth.”

 THE RELATIONS

Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. “Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?” He asked. “Vell, Ole, I yust don’t know,” replied Lena. “I don’t tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.”

 MUSIC SOLUTION

Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. “Oh,” said Ole, “I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.” “How come?” asked Lars. “Vell,” Ole answered, “because vith a clarinet, she can’t sing.

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Copyright © 2002 Kauer's Korner
Last modified:    April 2013