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Goldilocks

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Goldilocks

Lynn Ollie, would you like to tell us a story?

Ollie Why?

Lynn I just thought you would like to tell us one.

Ollie Why?

Lynn Because we would like to have you tell us a story.

Ollie Then why didnít ask?

Lynn I thought I did.

Ollie Did what?

Lynn Asked you to tell us a story.

Ollie Why?

Lynn Why?

Ollie I asked you first.

Lynn You asked me what?

Ollie What you asked me.

Lynn What did you ask me?

Ollie Donít you remember?

Lynn Remember what?

Ollie (Looking at the audience) And they think I am the dummy. What do you want?

Lynn Oh, I remember. Would you tell us a story?

Ollie Sure. Once upon a time there was a farmers daughter.

Lynn No, Ollie, not that kind of story.

Ollie Then what kind of story do you want?

Lynn How about a nice fairy tale.

Ollie I donít know any.

Lynn You donít know fairy tales?

Ollie No, I donít know any fairies.

Lynn No Ollie, I mean, will you tell us a fairy tale story?

Ollie You know some fairies?

Lynn Ollie, you are just trying to be funny.

Ollie Youíre not doing so hot either.

Lynn Iím confused.

Ollie Thatís normal.

Lynn Whatís normal?

Ollie Se, he still thinks I am the dummy. Letís start over. Do you know any fairies?

Lynn No I donít know any fairies.

Ollie Then why do you want me to tell you about them?

Lynn Oh Ollie . . . letís start over. Do you know any nice nursery rhyme stories?

Ollie Why didnít you say so.

Lynn Say what?

Ollie I donít remember. You are asking all the questions.

Lynn Let me help you a bit. Do you know the story of Goldilocks.

Ollie Yup, sure do. I know her well.

Lynn You know Goldilocks?

Ollie Sure, she works at hooters.

Lynn Goldilocks works at hooters?

Ollie You didnít know that?

Lynn Goldilocks in the story I knew didnít work at hooters.

Ollie She does now.

Lynn What does she do?

Ollie She works there.

Lynn I know. Thatís what you said. But what does she do there?

Ollie How do I know. You are the one that asked.

Lynn Asked what?

Ollie There you go again. Now what do you want?

Lynn I want you to tell us the story about Goldilocks.

Ollie You mean the gal at hooters?

Lynn No, I mean, I want you to tell us the fairy tale story of Goldilocks.

Ollie Sheís not a fairy.

Lynn I certainly hope not. You do know the story of Goldilocks, donít you?

Ollie Heck yah, I knew her fer a long time.

Lynn You knew Goldilocks.

Ollie Sure, how do you think she got to work at hooters?

Lynn Wait a minute Ollie. I wanted to hear the fairy tale story of Goldilocks.

Ollie I keep telling you, sheís not a fairy.

Lynn Listen Ollie, the Goldilocks you know, what color is her hair.

Ollie Red.

Lynn Her hair is red?

Ollie Thatís what I said.

Lynn So why is she called Goldilocks.

Ollie Cause thatís her name.

Lynn You mean to tell me that Goldilocks has red hair?

Ollie You didnít know that?

Lynn No, I assumed that Goldilocks has blonde hair.

Ollie You were wrong.

Lynn I was wrong?

Ollie Yup.

Lynn What other things donít I know about Goldilocks?

Ollie Did you know she rides a hog?

Lynn Goldilocks rides a hog?

Ollie Yup.

Lynn Since when did she start riding a hog.

Ollie Since she started working at hooters.

Lynn She bought a motorcycle when she started working at hooters.

Ollie Heck no, sheís not that kind of gal. She rides a hog.

Lynn Isnít a hog a slang term for a Harley.

Ollie Heck no. He works at Kessels.

Lynn Who works at K-Mart.

Ollie Harley.

Lynn I thought a Harley was a motorcycle.

Ollie Now whoís the dummy. Them things donít work at Kessels.

Lynn Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Goldilocks rides a harley.

Ollie Nope. She rides a hog.

Lynn Why does she ride a hog?

Ollie Cause she doesnít have a car.

Lynn So she rides a hog instead.

Ollie Thatís what I been trying to tell you.

Lynn What does this hog look like?

Ollie Like any other hog.

Lynn You mean it has four legs.

Ollie Donít they all?

Lynn Ollie, are you trying to tell me that Goldilocks rides a pig to work.

Ollie Now you are catching on.

Lynn    Come on now. When she blows the horn, what does it sound like.

Ollie    Like any other hog . . . oink, oink, oink. Sure gets their attention.

Lynn I don't believe this . . . and Goldilocks has red hair?

Ollie Yup.

Lynn And her husband Harley works at Kessels.

Ollie Sheís not married.

Lynn Goldilocks isnít married?

Ollie Heck no. Harley wouldnít let her get married.

Lynn Why wouldnít he let her get married.

Ollie Cause she still owes him for the hog.

Lynn She bought the hog from Harley.

Ollie Yup.

Lynn Why?

Ollie Cause it was on sale at the Kessels.

Lynn I didnít know Kessels sold hogs.

Ollie You donít know a heck of a lot do you?

Lynn I think that you donít know the story of Goldilocks.

Ollie You donít know the story of hooters either.

Lynn Is there a story about hooters?

Ollie Yup.

Lynn When did this happen that there is a story about hooters.

Ollie Since Goldilocks started workiní there.

Lynn Goldilocks works at Hooters?

Ollie I think this guy is of his rocker. Now listen close. Goldilocks works at hooters. She rides a hog to work that she got from Harley who works at the Kessels. Now what donít you understand?

Lynn I thought Goldilocks was a fairy tale story.

Ollie You like fairies?

Lynn No, I like fairy tale stories.

Ollie Goldilocks donít know any.

Lynn Donít know any what.

Ollie Fairies.

Lynn Oh, I give up. Say goodnight Ollie.

Ollie Why, you got a date with a fairy.

Lynn No, Iím going to put you back in your box.

Ollie Oh no, donít do that.

Lynn Donít do what.

Ollie Put me in the box.

Lynn Why.

Ollie Cause there is a cockroach in there.

Lynn Oh him. I wouldnít worry. Heís dead.

Ollie I know. You should see the funeral theyíre giving him.

Lynn Giving who.

Ollie The cockroach.

Lynn What cockroach.

Ollie Oh, sheís the other gal that works at hooters.

Lynn Thatís it. Say goodnight Ollie.

 
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Last modified:    April 2013