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First Job


Ollie's First Job

Lynn:  Ollie, how old did you say you were?

Ollie:  162.

Lynn: Thatís what I thought you said. Tell me, how is your memory?

Ollie:  Real good.

Lynn: Well, letís try a test. Do you remember the name of your first girlfriend.

Ollie:  (Long pause. Ollie shakes yes head and says) Yup. I sure do.

Lynn: (Another pause.) Well?

Ollie:  Well what?

Lynn: Arenít you going to tell me the name of your first girlfriend?

Ollie:  What do you want to know for?

Lynn: Well, Iím just a bit curious.

Ollie:  She wonít go out on a date with you.

Lynn: Why not?

Ollie:  Sheís dead.

Lynn: Oh man. Letís try something different. Do you remember what your first job was?

Ollie:  I sure do.

Lynn: What was it?

Ollie:  I worked on a Cruise Ship.

Lynn: Really!  Thatís impressive. What was the captainís name.

Ollie:  Noah.

Lynn: Noah!!!!!

Ollie:  Yup, Noah.

Lynn: You mean you worked on the ark with Noah?

Ollie:  Yup, sure did.

Lynn: What was your job on this cruise ship ark?

Ollie:  I was a hygienical engineer.

Lynn: Iím confused. What does a hygienical engineer do?

Ollie:  Shovels sh_* t.  (Lynn covers his mouth to muffle his voice.)

Lynn: Oh, you mean you cleaned up after the animals.

Ollie:  Yup, did that to.

Lynn: Iím curious, of all the animals on this cruise ship ark, what was the easiest animal to take care of?

Ollie:  The snake.

Lynn: The snake!

Ollie:  Yup, sure was.

Lynn: Why was the snake so easy to take care of?

Ollie:  He just slithered around and kept out of the way so that he wouldnít get stepped on.

Lynn: I see. Well, what was the most irritating animal to take care of?

Ollie:  Them two skeeters.

Lynn: You mean mosquitoes?

Ollie:  Yup, skeeters.

Lynn: Why were they the most irritating?

Ollie:  We didnít dare swat Ďem.

Lynn: I see. Well what was the worst animal to take care of?

Ollie:  That elephant with the diarrhea.

Lynn: How long did he have diarrhea?

Ollie:  Three weeks.

Lynn: How did you cure it?

Ollie:  I quit feeding him.

Lynn: Ollie, if you worked on the ark with Noah, then did you know Moses.

Ollie:  Yup, sure did.

Lynn: Well Iím curious, was Moses a big guy like Charlton Heston in the movies.

Ollie:  Nope. He was short like me.

Lynn: Really! Did you know about his journey into the dessert?

Ollie:  Yup, sure did. I was with him.

Lynn: Really, how long were you with him?

Ollie:  Forty years. We got lost.

Lynn: I see. Well how did you find your way out of the dessert?

Ollie:  We found a gas station and got directions.

Lynn: Come on now, there were no gas stations then.

Ollie:  How do you know, you werenít there?

Lynn: Well I guess thatís true. Were you with him when he parted the sea?

Ollie:  Yup, sure was.

Lynn: Did the soldiers chasing you scare you?

Ollie:  You dang right they did. They had long knives and spears.

Lynn: What did Moses do?

Ollie:  He picked up this big stick and hit the water Ė WHACKOO!!! The water swooshed aside and we ran across to the other side.

Lynn: Do you know why Moses did that?

Ollie:  Sure do. He didnít know how to swim.

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Last modified:    April 2013